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digital disorientation

Why do I never feel accomplished anymore?

This year has felt like a never-ending work in progress. It usually feels like once I accomplish one thing, there’s still 100 more things that need to be accomplished. I feel like I have a ton of works in progress without any end in sight for some and a close finish for others. My head sometimes swirls at what the next task should be.

My desktop PC finally started taking a turn for the worst this year and I lived without Windows for close to 2 months. As much as I enjoy using OS X, it was torture to experience this since all of my personal files, email, etc. are stored on my desktop. So during those two months, I lived in anticipation. I was eagerly waiting for a time when my desktop would be completely up and running. This confirms why I can’t switch completely over to a Mac. It’s great but it doesn’t have what I need right now… yet.

I also started having phone troubles as well. My ringer stopped working, I couldn’t sync to and from my computers. Trying to do something became a chore sometimes when I had to wait for my technology to catch up to me. Right now, as I type, half of my personal photos are on one computer and half are on the other.

In the meantime, while I live through my own mental holocaust, I’ve kept myself busy keeping afloat with projects, work, and business opportunities. The horizon has potential but I need to get past this virtual hump as soon as possible.

This is the main reason why my website has no direction, no updates, and is halfway designed. I never really completed tweaking this design because many other things suddenly became more important. You can even see my Flickr account has gone untouched for nearly a year, when I came back from Moscow. Leaving these things in disarray is another form of madness I deal with, but at least I’m am not too obsessive about these things. I can live with it to a point.

Hopefully while I make slow but steady marks and knock out rebuilding my digital life, I can dedicate more time to this site. I miss expressing myself like I did when I first started this website. It’s amazing how far I’ve really come since 2002, when I started a little blog on asuh.com.

is it sad?

Is it sad that I haven’t left my house since last Sunday?

It’s funny really. Some days I go longer wearing no shirt than actually wearing one. I could easily blame my shirtlessness on the dry heat of the San Fernando Valley in the midst of a heatwave and years long drought. Working from home allows me the luxury of a relaxed dress code. But no, alas, the heat is only a moderate factor to my lack of attire.

More than two years have passed since the routine of a job. Spending all that time in front of a computer at work was draining. I remember a time when I wanted my freedom, to do what I felt like, to be in a selfish position laying out the foundation for my musical career. Two years on and I have taken only moderate strides in that direction.

Lately, my time is devoted to web design and Skype. Looking ahead to next month’s bills is my new free time and finding new monetary revenues is my job. Since losing the regularity from my part-time work earlier this year, I try daily to build a new avenue which shall become my routine. Working for yourself can be a chore for this reason.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m destined to become the mid-life crisis, the dupe who gets scammed, the alarmist who believes in wrong message, the mule who won’t back down. When I realize what positions I take, when I listen to myself talk sometimes, I almost can’t believe it. Stepping out of your own mind and listening to your own voice can be daunting.

I find myself in a curious position of not knowing what comes next. I just hope when I get there my shirt still fits.

my cms is broken after updating! d’oh!

Fixed! Turns out the latest upgrade broke some javascript which was used for my editor. Here’s more information: http://wordpress.org/support/topic/279476

uppity

Goodbye Google Toolbar for Firefox. You hog too much memory. Hello Uppity and Autofill.

nintendo controllers!

I’ve tried different PC USB controllers, but no controller ever beats the original. I want! The SNES adapter would do just fine too.

on-demand cd

If I was a practicing or professional musician, this would be my distribution method. The RIAA has a lot of trouble coming its way.

Google Toolbar

Even though I don’t use Internet Explorer, I’ve installed the latest Google Toolbar version 6 because of the quick search box. So much better at starting programs than Start Menu or Search box in Vista/Win7.
Related: Launchy

2 replies

windows 7

I used Windows 7 RC. It eats Vista for lunch as far as I’m concerned. It’s not perfect but it is a huge improvement. UI, speed, lack of UAC, all make Windows 7 worth the upgrade.

mini blog

I’ve added this new section called “asides”. It’s for posts that don’t need many words. That is all. :o)

2 replies

thirty

It’s just a number; it doesn’t define how I really feel.

Twenty years ago, I turned 10. Ten years ago, I became 20. I don’t remember my decennial birthdays or what happened on each of them. It’s possible I had a party when I was 10. I might have been with friends or taking finals when I was 20. Now comes my third decennial birthday.

When I was thinking to my future so long ago, I could have imagined it in many different ways. Maybe I would be a successful musician or audio engineer. Maybe I would be a doctor. I never had a clue what I wanted to be when I “grow up”.

From a biased look on the outside of nearly thirty years of life, it seems like I’ve had so much time to leave a legacy. I was given countless opportunities and time to do whatever I wanted. I’ve had a blessed life to make so many memories.

But no, I’m not where I could be. I’m not where I thought I’d be. I also have little regret about my choices. My destiny hasn’t caught up with me, not yet at least. Web design is my easiest path, but I hesitate to leave the music and entertainment world. However, these decisions and choices will be made soon. My life is changing.

If you told me that I was thirty years old, I would laugh in your face and exclaim, “Big deal!”. That number means nothing to me especially considering I don’t feel my age.

I’m not old, I’m just experienced. It’s time to put this experience to good use.

Goodbye, my reckless and irresponsible twenties. I enjoyed you as much as I could when I finally realized age doesn’t stop. You weren’t always good to me but I made the best of you.

Hello, thirties. You’re gonna bring me the best years of my life. I know aging will make my life better, so I expect a lot more out of you. Just don’t give up on me when I fail. You can remind me I’m better for being here. I promise I’ll do my best to enjoy you more than I’ve ever enjoyed my life.