Month: February 2007

the loud music, the crowded spaces, the sweaty gross bodies all moving around, the sticky floors, the dirty and wet bathroom floors, the attitudes, the rejection

I’ve never been much of a fan of dance clubs. I don’t know how to dance without looking stupid. I feel awkward going up to girls who I don’t know. There are so many excuses I can make for why I’ve never gone clubbing very much.

I feel like the one fun person who doesn’t have fun sometimes. I’m all about being with friends, partying and enjoying my company. But I’m often uncomfortable in social situations where I don’t have much control or feel as though I’m not very desirable. And that’s precisely what clubs make me feel like.

I also haven’t been clubbing too often with fellows who are around my age, mostly just my gal friends who are strictly platonic. And being out with platonic lady friends at a club is really just a waste of time since you’re not the focus of their desires.

So why do I put myself in situations where the outcome is usually against my favor? Because I love going out and being social. I love music. I love the lights. I love watching humans and how they interact. I love laughing and smiling and feeling good.

[wow, I didn’t realize Stevie Wonder had so many hits that I know but didn’t realize they were his. Superstition, Sir Duke, I Just Called to Say I Love You…]

Being out and about is essential to me. I need my alone time, where I can have self-reflection and get personal things done but being amongst friends and just taking in the evening is a such a wonderful feeling. I feed off of other people who bring out the best in me, and getting crazy in public is a wonderful way of releasing yourself.

I’m much more of a bar person than a club person. But if I had my choice, I’d probably just stay at home with friends and relax. Low key is nice after a long, busy weekend of social distractions.

2007 began very loudly, very quickly as I danced the night away on a dance floor at a club in Hollywood. It was unlike all others as I didn’t have a ready available clock to watch the seconds slowly tick away. With my earplugs in (I’ve long ago decided that loud noises are bad for my ears; they’re more sensitive than they used to be), the partial inaudible noises of the music mixed with the loud blare of the microphone was how I heard the countdown. Then, before I could gather myself, the new year was upon me.

The next few days were work as usual. However, it seems my ringing was far more than just in my ears. It turns out I rang in the new year not only unusually at a crowded club, but somehow I undesirably acquired the flu. If there’s ever an excuse to extend all the vacation time I had from the holidays, it was a sickness which didn’t seem to want to go away.

I spent the rest of my first weekend of 2007 in bed feeling the angst of sickness and the heat from all those nasty germs floating throughout my body. In a way, it was my last hurrah from a busy December of 2006, allowing me to recover and gather myself to prepare for all the big things to come.

At work, I continue to troll away at a redesign project that began in April of 2006. One that has carried on and on mostly because of indecisiveness and lack of authority. Unfortunately, these elements were beyond most of my control and I did what I thought I should to progress this tardy project. Finally, the project manager stepped up and took charge, allowing me to be what I was hired to be: the designer. It was a nice change of pace for me as I was increasingly burnt out from a lagging, stressful last half of the last year.

January has seen new beginnings in my life. I’ve made numerous new friends, went through many exciting experiences and already made some lasting memories. Note to self: keep in mind when a playoff football game is on the small screen on a Tuesday night. It is not live, nor is it wise to question the bartender’s choice of a basketball game to fill the big screen.

“Some sports fan,” he boasted as he and his barfly cronies laughed. It only took me a few moments to realize my silly mistake.

One Superbowl later, it’s now February and I watch the clock’s seconds tick away.

Big things are on the horizon and it’s only the beginning.