I’m not sure if I’m cut out for this. I’ve only had passing desires since I was in high school, and even then they were short lived. In the past ten or so years, I’ve made short commitments and stuck with them for a few weeks before giving in and giving up. And even then, I didn’t really know what I was doing because I didn’t care. I just knew what I wanted to be and look like, which was different than I am. The difficulty in making this happen is just doing it. No matter what.

Play through the pain.

It begins with one step, then you get the courage to take another. From there, you realize that it gets easier. It’s painful for the first week or two, but after those initial 7-14 days, you realize that this pain isn’t a bad pain. In fact, your body conditions itself to understand the pain and you live with it. If you’re still with the program by now, you start to desire it more and more. They call it runner’s high. It becomes a focus and you look forward to it.

I’ve committed to this for about a month and a half so far, but only recently have I stuck to a rhythm of about 3-4 times a week. This week I am shooting for 5 straight days, possibly 6. I’m trying to push my limits but I realize I’ve barely tapped into what my limits really are. After consulting Dr. Wikipedia, I realized that in order for me to reach any kind of goal I’m going to have to step this whole thing up much more than what I am. And that’s a huge deal to me.

I’ve never considered working out to be any kind of fun. It’s rather boring and monotonous. I don’t enjoy the habitual nature of doing the same things for days, even if there are slight variations in the routine. Routines are boring. And I’m a man of change. I love new and exciting. The same old thing gets old fast. But sometimes, such as this, I just gotta suck it up and go forward with it. I’m never going to get anywhere if I don’t continue down the path I’ve been running.

I’m hoping that within a few months I’ll notice some physical changes. But how confident am I in knowing that I’ll stick to the routine? That part scares me because it means I can’t stray and I have to shape up. Discipline. That’s something I’m only slightly familiar with. Unlike most lazy people, when my alarm clock goes off in the morning to wake me up for the day’s activities, 99% of the time I’m up and ready to shower within a minute. No hesitation, not even if I’m exhausted from little sleep. I’ve trained myself to get my body out of bed as soon as I hear noise out of the clock.

This is a different kind of discipline. One that will require a lot more effort. And desire. Something I don’t know if I’m ready to take on. But something I think I need to do for myself. I don’t get around to full accomplishing some personal tasks that I take on, but this is one for the greater good. One for my health and for my future.

Play through the pain.

I’ve heard this countless times before in my life; people even attempt to explain what it means. These explanations can only go so far for me for one this reason: I hate pain. So nothing they really could say makes much sense or reason for me personally.

But recently I think I had a personal revelation about it. I hate pain whether it’s physical, emotional, or mental. I’m a baby when it comes to getting a shot (even though I’ve gotten better about it). I just hate the feeling of something causing me so much discomfort, even if it is a tiny little prick. That’s the main reason I could never be addicted to heroin; needles hurt.

But the pain doesn’t necessarily have to refer to physical pain. It can easily be emotional or mental as well. And well, if you put it that way, I face pain daily, almost constantly sometimes. Whether it’s a really crappy project at work or knowing that I’m gonna come home to myself being tired, there’s a lot of things that can cause pain. Even being lazy can bring me pain later because I realize how much I could have accomplished during that time.

Playing through the pain means pushing through the crap in life. To just put yourself through it no matter how much of it comes at you. You can’t always avoid it, and sometimes you’ll regret something because of it. But knowing that you’re doing what you can to move past it can be real motivation. Inspiration derives from seeing other people who have fought adversity and made something of themselves. They have left their legacies and continue to do great work. Or they’ve passed something awesome on to others just from all the pain they’ve overcome.

I’ve been casually working out since about the beginning of July. But it’s only recently that I’ve really wanted to. The first few weeks were just forcing myself to. I hate it. It’s boring, it’s distracting from other more important things, it’s just not where I’d like to be. I realize how important it is for me, however, and I’m pushing myself to become more regular in my workouts. 30 minutes of running, 30 or more of workout (pushups, crunches and pullups). But soon, I have to step it up. Weight training. It’s on.

What doesn’t matter here is where I’m going because I already know where I’m headed. What matters is where I came from. I need to remind myself daily that I’m fighting against everything that’s held me back. I’m pushing myself into something that’s going to benefit me. It’s all about my life and enjoying it as much as I can. And being able to physically is very important. Fight the pain.

I just wanna be lazy and give up sometimes and sometimes I actually do. But I’m trying to reverse this trend. Forget everything else that’s holding me back. That stuff doesn’t matter. When I know I have to do something, I’m starting to make myself just do it. Whether I want to or not. I am becoming my own sergeant and disciplining myself. Whether I dread something or not, I just stop thinking and go. It’s really the only way I can make myself do things sometimes. For those of you who have read A Million Little Pieces, this point was pushed very effectively throughout that book and it was inspirational knowing that other people have to put themselves in my shoes sometimes.

It’s gonna hurt. I’m not gonna enjoy it sometimes. But none of that matters anymore. What matters is that I’m doing this for me.

Push through the pain.