i was reminded

It’s been a month since I left for New York City and already it seems like a lifetime ago. The past month has pretty much reminded me of so many different things about my life.

I was reminded that I love Manhattan. I cherish my trips to the city, enjoying something completely new with every visit that I make. I was only just there last October but I don’t feel I could ever get enough of that city, at least from a visiting perspective. I love the rush and bustle of such a beautiful city, of the concrete island where the whole world turns to. I miss the abundance and convenience of everything being within reach. And I now miss knowing that I might be facing something really special.

I was reminded that I’m onto my next adventure before I finish blinking my eyes. Soon after arriving back home from Manhattan, I quickly had to turn around for the next flight to Dallas for a graduation and family reunion. It’s always nice to see those who I grew up knowing and loving. And bringing everyone together in one place again is comfortable and peaceful, even if we do all have our own drama and can get sick of each other. But, once again, I said my goodbyes and tried to make my peace with finding out I wouldn’t get that chance.

I was reminded that sleeping in until almost noon is so relaxing and easy. The reminder that I’m fighting on my own is scary, and realizing that my life is in my own hands is even scarier. I didn’t make enough effort these past two weeks. Instead, I relaxed and did what I wanted. I spent my minutes consuming all that I found. I’m gonna have to do better than this when I get back.

I was reminded that fundamental differences affect who you are. I learned about, which was kind of a renewal, how satisfying it is to make unique experiences. To go where most people don’t, to enjoy what little has been discovered, and be with people who want to see life differently. I’m different than most of my friends because I don’t keep a steady job or participate in the mundane routines or follow in the same footsteps. I continue to gather new insights in the niche of life; those things which don’t mean much to most but can bring immense joy to few. I was reminded to look beyond the ordinary and strive for the extraordinary. But I didn’t see some of this until others opened my eyes again. It’s satisfying to embrace the differences in others, but the things I can’t just change overnight will be a barrier to continuing down those familiar paths.

I was reminded what it’s like to have feelings. I made connections and grew into relationships with old and new. I realize more what I do want and what I do not want. But I fall victim to not getting what I really desire. I gave it all I could but found out that it wasn’t going to happen. It’s not fair to not give yourself the benefit of the doubt, to not give your 100% opportunity before calling in your chips, but sometimes you’re not allowed to finish what your started and must move on from what you wish you might have. I’m so thankful I was at least given the opportunity because it made me very happy. Just a few more weeks of, I hope, a little more bliss…

I’ve been through a lot in just a month but I feel like in some ways, I made the best of mostly everything but wasn’t given the opportunity to find out about the rest. I took so many photos of Manhattan and am proud of how they turned out, even if they are still very amateur. But I wish I had the chance to explore the new avenues I was walking down. Instead, my path was diverted to a dead end that I see in the distance. Eventually, it’s back onto some other trails.