I’m shy. I see myself as otherwise but I struggle with being shy on a daily basis. It’s a fight of who I am from who I see myself as. My mind races when I’m not talking and, yet, I don’t offer anything to say when I’m around others. I can barely keep up with my thoughts when my mind is engaged, but choose to keep quiet in unfamiliar settings. I don’t understand why I hold back so often but my body reacts physically, mentally and emotionally to uncomfortable or tense situations with slight anguish. Still, I don’t see myself as being very shy.
In no particular order, here are many things I’ve noticed about myself or in general:
I’m grinding my teeth a lot. I don’t know whether I’m impatient or anxious. When I’m up against stress, I grind my teeth. It’s been an on off thing I’ve done throughout my life, never as serious as I think it might be now. I think it’s a new habit that I am ready to break. Am I nervous?
The last few months since returning from Houston have been less productive than I’d like. I am, however, very proud that I have accomplished what I have. I set out goals a couple of years ago and have been pretty on target for everything I wanted. It was these goals I knew I could accomplish. My moment of truth is quickly approaching.
I have forced myself to buy mostly food that requires time and effort to prepare it. It’s a little annoying when I am hungry and want the quick carb fill, but I am determined to eat healthier. I’d much rather get into the habit while I’m not in bad shape than when I’m old and overweight. I need to find a happy medium. Sometimes it’s quite annoying when I can’t even find one thing to snack on that doesn’t require so much effort.
I will probably make only 2 more trips this year, most likely being away again for about a month. I want more travel but this is the best I can do right now.
Last year, I made a personal commitment to exercise. It began slowly but worked its way into a regular, habitual practice by the beginning of this year. Since then, I’ve quit my job and am now where I was before I started exercising. I have a bicycle and a roommate who will force me to go. I hope to make a better, more practical commitment to exercise. I miss it.
Since the beginning of the year, I’ve had a huge indie music kick which has been so refreshing. Sigur Ros is my current obsession.
If I could afford my own place, I totally would move. I’m kinda ready.
it’s very unlikely that I will go internationally bound this year. I was hoping that I could make something happen but there’s just no way for me to afford it right now. That makes me sad.
I’ve had a really nice summer full of travel, reconnection, and renewal. I’m winding down on a few last web design projects and in talks to begin some new opportunities. There is a lot waiting for me, a lot I want to do and it’s only the beginning. I need to set my forward momentum at a pace that I have to sprint towards. It’s looking really good from here on out. I haven’t felt this kind of excitement in a while.
I’ve been so frustrated this weekend. I felt like the universe was once again against me every time I compressed and re-encoded a certain piece of video I recorded on Friday. Yet, as I should have assumed the whole time but was too frustrated to think about, it was user error.
I was invited to attend a party on Friday night in the Hollywood area. Although I was nearly 5 hours late, the party was in full swing by the time I found parking and walked a block to the apartment. I decided to stay longer at this party since I was able to spend time with friends I don’t see often and there was plenty of company to enjoy and people to get to know.
By the end of my visit, the majority of what was as many as nearly 85 people in one large 4 bedroom apartment, 1 bathroom apartment, there were several intoxicated people who decided that for no good reason they would allow anyone to do something random and entertaining to them. One guy got a buzz cut, the other was wrapped with adhesive tape.
I decided the adhesive tape was just the event that warranted my camera’s video feature. When I decided to try and upload the raw video taken off of my camera, Youtube told me to get lost. There’s supposedly this limit of 100MB per video, something of which I had no idea until that moment. In fact, I’ve never had a Youtube account until this past weekend. Maybe I’ll utilize my video feature on my camera more often now in light of this.
I then began what turned into a more than 48 hour event. I spent time researching free video editors and recognized one called VirtualDub since I had used that years earlier to compress and re-encode a DVD so that I could burn it onto a regular CD-R.
After tweaking some of the settings, I began my compression; simple as pie but took about 10-15 minutes. No big deal. I opened the newly compressed video, pushed the playback button and was happy with my initial result. As I skipped to the end of the video, I noticed that there was no sound after the 5 minute mark. What’s going on?
I tried it again, and again, and again. Same result with similar settings. I downloaded some new editors listed. Nothing was different. Then I began the process of downloading some “trial” versions of the big boys software for the Mac. If any operating system was designed for video rendering, it is the Mac. It’s a staple in the entertainment industry for video, audio, and graphical rendering.
I downloaded two “trial” versions only to realize I was missing one or two things that prevented me from even installing them. I waited nearly 24 hours for one of them to download! By this point, I’m completely frustrated and have spent a late night trying to figure out what is going on. I gave up at nearly 5am as it just wasn’t worth sacrificing anymore of my time.
This afternoon, I decided to try it out one more time. Ugh. What could I possibly be doing that’s causing this weird behavior? Then I rechecked the settings I so carefully choose to use. Aha! Could it be that by recapturing the frame rate at 24fps I am causing an originally encoded 30fps video to mess up?
Duh.
Me and my bright idea of turning a NTSC standard frame rate into a US cinematic standard frame rate without even considering the 3:2 pulldown was the result. And here I thought I actually knew what I was doing for the past 48 hours, thinking my idea was genius.
And now, hopefully after what I assume was a completely success compression, is The Adhesive Tape Mummy video. Those hairs on his upper lip… don’t worry, they’re from the guy who got his head shaved. I promise.
Sometimes, there are foods you taste, smell, or intuitively know you can’t stand. These tastes often form early in life and continue into adulthood. I, like most kids, couldn’t stand a lot of food when I was young. A week ago, one of my earliest food distastes was unpleasantly reconfirmed.
A new wave of healthier dessert shops have popped up very quickly in LA. Leading the way is a shop called Pinkberry. For those in other parts of the country, Pinkberry is a newer, hipper version of TCBY which serves frozen yogurt. Pinkberry has become a rage, although, one of which I do not understand.
I had the opportunity to try out my first frozen yogurt shop in years. A small chain called Red Mango landed a spot in Westwood Village, the closest vicinity for hungry UCLA students. Although Pinkberry is just a few hundred feet further, she wanted to go get some Red Mango frozen yogurt.
The last bowl of frozen yogurt I remember eating was chocolate flavored. I never was a fan of vanilla because it often too closely resembled regular yogurt. Red Mango serves one of two frozen yogurt flavors: plain and green tea. Assuming that this could be pretty sweet and possibly taste more like ice cream, I gave plain a try.
One topping of dark chocolate chips later, I had my first plain frozen yogurt dessert sitting in front of me. After just one cold bite, my taste buds went into overdrive. I can’t remember the last time my face showed so much misery over dessert. It was one of the worst tastes I’ve had in my mouth in a long time.
I might give Pinkberry a try, all because of the crazy hype, but I will not freely give up my hard earned money on a bite of frozen yogurt again until I know I won’t feel like vomiting from just one bite.
I’ve consumed some really great Internet lately. So, I think I’ll take the time to share some of my favorites.
Last spring, notable author Kevin Smith wrote what basically amounted to a short story of the drug addiction his hetero-lover and best friend Jason Mewesfought and defeated. It’s probably one of the longest but most interesting stories of struggle I’ve read. It goes without saying that Kevin Smith is a brilliant story teller.
Science of Sleep – After a few minutes of this movie, I knew it was exactly what I’ve been desiring. Without ruining it, it’s set in France and the lead actor knows English, Spanish and French fluently. You won’t fall asleep, I guarantee it.
Although I hate politics, I’m looking forward to see how Ron Paul does next year. His chance at winning completely relies on grassroot campaigns, but he’s honest and straight forward. I believe what he says.
I love open source, free software that replaces bulky mainstream software. For Windows (since most of you who read this use it) Read pdf files with Foxit. Open zip files with 7-zip. Watch videos with VLC. Launch your programs with Launchy. Index your files with X1.
I’m not one to get excited about another guy proposing to his girl, but this is one of the best proposals I’ve ever heard of. This guy put a ton of work into this and deserves the best. Good luck to him.
Web design is my trade. Piepmatzel is some of the best of design on the Internet. Very much worth spending some time on. I’d be so lucky to one day make this exclusive list.
America has a dirty little secret, and it has nothing to do with 9/11. We’re headed for disaster, as I’ve been told since I was in grade school so many years ago. 60 minutes rules.
Need to find good food in the area? Yelp. Would you rather cook at home? All Recipes. Share you music and discover new ones. Last.fm. Share you photos. Flickr.
6am is just around the corner and my eyes just won’t stay shut. So, as my 3mg of Melatonin supplements slowly absorb into my body, let me entertain you and pass time all at the same time.
Days like today are unexpected, random but welcome in retrospect. I was early to a wedding, drove through rain for the first time in two months, was just minutes and miles from a tornado, spent too much money on not enough haircut, was almost late to the same wedding, met lots of relatives, made an old friend happy, made a boyfriend jealous, chauffeured several friends around, enjoyed a quiet house party, was possibly offered a opportunity to drive cross country for four weeks, bonded with friends, and drove over 200 miles in one day. This wasn’t a typical Saturday.
At times, and more often than not at this point in my life, I’m a homebody. I’m never in need of being out but enjoy it when I do have social plans. The abundance of downtime puts the absence of socializing in a desirable light. I’m sure that just as habits get monotonous, so does being out every night. Someone should tell my roommate that.
It’s a weird feeling when you arrive at your destination with expectations only to find out you miscalculated your timing. An empty parking lot for a wedding that started 15 minutes prior was a pretty bad sign. Being told how early we were, however, was a little embarrassing.
After a scary ride through an oncoming storm with tornadic winds and rainfall, we landed in the area mall to do what we do best: spend our money. She left with a new smaller sized dress, I left with a new but familiar look.
Just seconds from the actual ceremony, we ended up waiting another hour in front of the big screen with drinks in our hands and football on the tube. It seems as though nothing was going right but everything was as it should be.
I had forgotten how many relatives she had, and also realized there were a few still not accounted for. But we made friends with several cousins and their dates, enjoyed some strawberry fondue, and watched the evening slowly unfold from waiting another hour for two photo lovers indulge themselves in the remaining light of the evening. I knew she was happy for me to be there.
The uneventful ride back home was only dampened with one jealous boyfriend. Little does he realize or care to know that I’m no competition. I picked up two more passengers after changing into my normal get-up before ending up at a swanky, upscale house in the hills.
This was a much quieter house party than our birthday bash a couple of weekends ago, and it was pleasant to relax and take in the evening. The thought of being able to accompany a band for four weeks swam through my head for the next few hours, but ultimately was disrupted with good conversations. Several hours passed and I completed my journey.
I believe the Melatonin has kicked in. If not, it’s gonna be a restless few minutes in bed while I try to force my mind to shut up.
During the first two months of my sophomore year in high school, I was inspired to keep a journal. My closest friend was doing it, so monkey see, monkey do. It was a useful way to keep track of my life, to practice my writing, and to get out thoughts and feelings I would not otherwise express externally.
For the record, it was not a diary. Diaries are for girls: Journals are for boys.
I kept journals for the rest of high school and into college. After the first year, however, my desire to record my life waned. I didn’t feel a need to write down as much as I did before, and it took me a while to realize why this was. I initially credited this to keeping busy or being lazy. Writing everything down became a burden and chore and it did not represent the same things it did in high school. So I stopped.
The truth is… I never stopped writing. My journaling took on another form, one I didn’t realize until a few years later.
When I began my first semester of college, one of the first things I began using was the relatively new-to-me medium called e-mail. I think I first discovered e-mail when my mom started using AOL in the mid 90’s. I didn’t really think much of it and was much more interested in the capability of talking to my friends online instantly. But e-mail quickly became a favorite way to communicate with my friends when I couldn’t IM.
School transitioned my habits and relationship with e-mail. As per the instructions from the IT office, I setup Outlook Express to download all my mail from the server so that I could store it on my computer. In 1997, I doubt we were given much storage space in which to store e-mail archives.
This practice of downloading my e-mail never changed, even with the rise of web based systems such as hotmail and yahoo. I always wanted to store my mail on my computer since there were times I would receive mail that I wanted to refer back to, even if it was just for nostalgic reasons.
E-mail became my journal. The fact that I am able to keep everything I receive and send is my log. To this day, I have thousands of e-mails and over 10 years worth of it sitting in my Outlook Express. I don’t save everything written to me or sent to others, but I always try to save meaningful mail, whether good or bad, to represent those moments in my life. This is also a way for me to jog my memory about someone I haven’t spoken to in a while or to recall certain things we said to each other.
I still have my journals boxed away. It’ll be interesting to someday get back into those and read the memories I kept and see what I said about the things I did, the girl I dated and the people who affected my life. I sure hope I surprise myself; I hardly remember much of what I wrote but I do remember the way I wrote and how I kept track of certain things.
Keeping track of my life is more important than ever. Realizing how quickly my memories fade scares me.
Last night was my first social night in weeks. I’ve spent the last few weeks staying at home, being frugal and not spending much so that I can save money and use what I do have for the things I enjoy. It’s been a test of my patience and discipline, but it’s what had to be done given my circumstance.
Room 5 sits just above Amalfi on Le Brea. I arrived a few minutes late only to find out his performance didn’t start until 8:30. Already, it being 10 past 8, the room was completely full with every seat taken. But the crowd slowly filled out. By the end of his performance the place was more than overcrowded. Sweat was dripping down my armpits as the temperature rose several degrees. My body is already too hot as it is.
I went to support my friend. I enjoy going to see my friends do what makes them happy. This night did not disappoint. Standing tall and peering over several people, I clung to a column as I watched six guys sing their hearts out. My friend had two solos throughout the performance, but you knew this was only one of many performances. Sadly, his mic was too quiet.
If you’ve never heard a boy band or barbershop quartet, the one thing you are missing out on is voices that harmonize in such a way that it makes your arm hair stand straight up. These six guys had a really exciting stage presence, with beautiful harmony throughout each song.
A thirty-five minute performance ended with a very desired encore. The room, full of the best and worst of hollywood, cheered and shouted for more. This was just one night, everyone knew what they wanted and the following musicians waited their turns to make their impressions.
“They’ve got nothing on you,” texted one guy to his friend. Whoever he was talking to must have been in the game for a while because this group I watched was so on last night.
Following the encore, we preceded downstairs to have drinks. I became my usual self, standing alone, checking my phone for text messages and doing whatever was necessary to look like I wasn’t bored or alone. It wasn’t before too long that I met some mutual friends who were there supporting the same friend I was. So small talk and minutes passed as I waited for our next move.
Red Rock on Sunset is a popular place for drinks. On any given night, you’ll find a typical collection of the west coast attitude; girls who dress to look their finest and guys who arrive for their drinks and sights. I stood around for about thirty minutes waiting on the group to arrive. I felt the need to make sure that I wasn’t alone; ordering a drink when no one I recognized is kinda sad, and I definitely didn’t want to be seen as desperate. However, this was a good night for me. I got several looks from the ladies but did not grow large enough testicles to make any moves.
Several drinks and good conversations later, it was time to call it a night. I’m proud of myself for how much I spent. Even if it wasn’t for parking meters on Sunset, I spent the least I’ve ever spent going out in Hollywood: $1.40 and a few gallons of gas. I paid for not one of my drinks (I had four and a half total). When it comes to living the frugal life in hollywood, it’s all about who you’re with and what you do. It’s not impossible, but it takes a little strategy.
If there was ever something of which I could be very proud, it would be my name. It is very possible, and I’m sure just as likely, that I am the lone person in my country who bears the combination of my first and last name. Out of nearly 6.6 billion people in the world, my chances of only carrying my name is hopefully one is nearly 6.6 billion.
According to namestatistics.com, Micah is the 520 most common male name in the US. Approximately 21,000 US born males, or 0.002% of the US males, are named Micah whereas only around 2500 females have the same name. Strangely enough, I’ve met almost as many females named Micah as I have males.
It is also mispronounced or misspelled quite often, such as mee-ka and Micha respectively. It’s humorous that Micah and Michael are so closely related and yet frequently are pronounced differently.
Since I began this site, I have consciously and purposely left out any mention of my last name. Not once before now is my last name referred to in relation to me and I’ve done this out of privacy concerns. Time has taken its toll in the last five years of writing online and now the number one search result for my full name is this website. So, obviously, there is no secret and I have nothing to hide.
Cambre is 24851 most common last name with only about 1250 people total with this last name, which is .0005% of all US citizens. Although this name is quite often mispronounced and/or spelled wrong, it’s an uncommon surname and thus makes it unique. So together, my name Micah Cambre is quite a unique combination of first and last names.
Ever since I was a child, I have admired my first and last name. I’ve always believed it to be a name that would resonate with others because of its uniqueness. Neither name have become famous enough to penetrate the norm. So the combination of Micah and Cambre have made me quite proud to bear these names.
I’ve been asked several times in my life how I was named. The origin of my name is in the Old Testament of the Bible. There is a brief and lonely book near the end named Micah that has only 7 chapters. Because of my background and my name’s association with this book, most assume it was romantically inspired from this book of the Bible. Whether that’s true or not, the fact is that my dad’s youngest sister thought up my name and my parents liked it. That’s it.
