Personal update for my life:
Two months at work this Wednesday. I can’t believe it’s been so long already. It has definitely flown by. At the same time, however, it feels like it’s taken forever. Flown by = wow, it’s already September. Taking forever = it’s just now becoming really busy for me at work.
Cookie cakes taste so delicious. I had never made one before so on Friday I decided to try it out. And I’ll tell you what, it was completely worth all the time I put into it. SO good! Have you ever made one? I used the Nestle Toll House chocolate chip cookie recipe on the back of the bag, and instead of making cookies, I just threw it all in a pan. After about 15 minutes of baking . . . OH MY GOD was that good! Hot/warm cookie all lumped together. It was like I took out a hot batch of delicious cookies from the oven, bunched them in a ball and just took a huge bite. Hog heaven for sugar addicts like myself!
Creating websites can be such a long process. I’ve been planning on doing some major changes with this website but continue to be too critical of my new design(s). In fact, I know now that I really hate them. The content is great, the design(s) is (are) crap. I keep looking at other people’s websites and think, “God, I can totally do that,” which in reality means, “I know what they did, I can appreciate it, and if I sat myself in front of my computer to try and mimic the same exact thing, I would get nowhere fast”. I mean, it’s not that I don’t have the abilities to design new, innovative, interesting, attractive sites. It’s a combination of lack of motivation, creativity, trying to start a project, and figuring out what work and what doesn’t. I’m talented enough to do this as a living (if I so choose), but I’m not YET creative enough to come up with original pieces for people on a consistent. It takes a true artist to do something completely new and original. I’m more of an artist like Moby. I take what exists, twist it around, add a few things to it, spice it up or tone it down, then call it my own.
Working six days a week definitely can take a toll on me. It’s not that I’m tired either. In fact, I’m very productive with the jobs I work because I’m constantly doing something. The problem is motivating myself to do everything else in between. Do you ever find yourself coming home after work with a go getter attitude, like you’re going to clean your house or kitchen or room? I sometimes pump myself up and tell myself I’m going to do a damn good job on this or that. Then I get home, feel really tired or lazy, and just wanna take it easy. So I do. Working 8 hours a day, or rather spending 8-9 hours in one place doing tasks for a company to help it make money takes away from my own life and getting other tasks accomplished. I’ve never been a go-getter just making things happen. I’m an ambitious dream-chaser. I have an infinite amount of ambition, so many things I would love to do in my life, but know that I need to create ways to make things happen. It’s the biggest challenge of my life.
Christmas and Thanksgiving might be different for me this year. I’m finally in a real job that only gives me x amount of time off a year. This is bad for trying to visit family. I think there’s a good chance I’m going to stay behind for Thanksgiving. And I do not know what I shall do with Christmas either. The thought of not going back for either is a little depressing, but the realization of knowing that it’s my life and I can do what I want is uncomfortably satisfying.
People have always said the freedom to earn your own paycheck is a reward in itself, that it’s very satisfying. I don’t necessarily find that to be true. Rather, I find it to be monotonous and boring. My job is great. My co-workers are great. I have nothing negative to say about either. I’m just not crazy about waking up early, spending all my time in one place, and not being able to do much else outside (for the reasons I stated earlier). But you know, enough self-loathing. I’m sure I could sit here and bitch all day and night about this and that. But, life’s too short for that. Enjoy the time I have and use my time wisely. That’s the only answer to my problems. I’m taking advantage of every opportunity given to me with this job to make my dreams come true. Even if I don’t live in the perfect world, I’m living the life I want to live. And nothing else matters.