Skip to content

old and precious

I was definitely spoiled. Driving a brand new 2007 white Chevy Impala for over a month really got me used to what I’m missing. The smooth ride, stereo system with an input jack for my iPod, the amazing shocks, the tall seats, the v6 engine; there was so much to love about that car.

Upon finding a parking violation stuck to my windshield of my real car this morning, I quickly examined what was obviously standard issue in this private neighborhood. I needed to go to the bank and post office and this was my only mean. Thankfully, I already took care of my registration online while I was in Texas so the decal was waiting for me upon my arrival. I stuck it on my rear plate and stumbled into the driver’s seat, forgetting how low my car seats are.

Man this feels weird, I thought to myself. I already wanted to go back and pick up the Impala.

I turned the key, misfired the ignition and received a solid check engine light. No worries, the car was not driven for the last month. I drove around the block, clearing my translucent windshield covered with dry sludge and mud from the warm California wind and morning fog. Just to be safe, I briefly parked in front of my house to verify that solid light wasn’t threatening my ride. And then I was off.

Geez, this thing feels so old.

Feeling every bump along the way, I just remind myself that this car is in it for the long haul. I made that decision when I moved out here. There’s no reason to purchase another car as long as this one works great. That’s how my family works; you run your car into the ground. I know no differently.

Cars never were of any interest to me. My first car in high school was my short stint with my mom’s sky blue ’74 Chevy Nova. She received that car when she was in college and we had it ever since. It was a haus of a car and eventually was sold to my older brother because of his growing emotional attachment. My next car was an maroon ’86 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera. It was a joke of a car but it got me to and from school. I was always more excited to drive our grey ’77 Oldsmobile which was more like driving a tank, but had a nice huge engine.

I unfortunately was left without a car for my first year of college. It wasn’t fun not being able to go anywhere freely or having to constantly ask friends or my grandmother to pick me up. But that changed on my 19th birthday. My grandmother decided she couldn’t handle driving anymore and I received the best birthday gift I’ve ever gotten. It was an almost brand new ’97 Saturn SL2 with just over 4300 miles on it. It was a beauty, and although I would have preferred a silver model, the champagne gold was just fine by me for the price I paid.

I’ve tempted myself a few times over the years to trade up for a newer model, but I was fortunate enough to either talk myself out of it or have someone else slap me out of it. It was smart to not have to worry about taking on car payments and all I had to do was put up with a car that was slowly aging.

This car’s time is coming, but if I can stretch another five or so years out of it, I’ll be made. I just need enough time to get my fortunate rolling.

Dear fate, please don’t let me down!

july’s new year resolution

This has been a long day. 20+ hours and counting. This is the kind of travel that completely wears me out, and usually I don’t get too worn out from flying. But waking up before the world and spending half the day on the airplane can wear me down.

Two months of traveling and making memories has impacted me. I really am enjoying my ambitiousness, and I hope this continues because I’m hungry for personal fulfillment.

So, as I always recommend to others, I’m going to make a list. This is how I hope 2007 progresses:

  • less television – Time management and discipline will help me out in this area. I literally have to give myself no time to watch much TV.
  • exercise – I had a really good thing going before I quit my job, working out an average of 45 minutes a day for 3 to 5 days a week. I’ve put on a little weight in my stomach since being away for so long and now it’s time to reverse that and continue some weight training. Maybe I should consider joining another local gym.
  • web design – I’m burnt out with web design. Having done it full-time for 2 straight years, I’m kinda sick of doing it non-stop. But, this summer, it is still paying the bills for me. I have other ambitions to take on, so I must be very diligent about keeping my priorities straight. And I can’t sacrifice my web design business, but continue to help flourish it.
  • music – It’s time. For so long, my friends and family have always wondered when I was going to give music a shot. I don’t see myself performing as a career, but you know what? I’ve never really given it a fair shot. No more.
  • money – I had a really good system. It was completely automated so I never had to think about it. Money goes to savings; Money goes to retirement. Done and done. But now that I’m freelancing it, now that my money is irregular, this becomes extremely more difficult. I must work on what I have to make for what I desire.
  • giving back – I know I could have done so much better last year with donations. I gave to a couple of charities but definitely not enough. I knew that if I gave too much, I wouldn’t have enough when I quit my job. But I can’t keep living like that. Life is short. I hope to find some Habitat for Humanities or other organization to which I can volunteer. I feel the need to give back.
  • photography – If you’ve been to my photos link, you’ll see that I’ve recently been photographing a lot more than I usually do. This trip was kinda like a spark that lit a fire. Now I hope to get some new lenses. It’s such a fun hobby and I’m not too bad. It’s past time that I finally get a little more serious about it. I have a good eye, just as I have a good ear.
  • relationships – My biggest lack here is that I don’t have friends like I do at home. I have some really wonderful friends here, but I’ve never felt the same connection with these people because of the lack of a history. I hope that I can find some more buddies to bond with and meaningful relationships with people whom I already know. Overcoming shyness stresses me out. As for my romantic relationships, I don’t expect much. I’m enjoying my single life but I’m open to find her if she comes along. I have already met some amazing ladies this year but nothing that worked out sadly.
  • read more books – I almost can’t believe I’m saying this because of my past history with the written word, but I am feeling much more of an urge to read books. I do read a lot, but most of it is online on blogs or websites and it’s usually educating myself on some technical web design issues, seeing the latest gossip on celebrities, or digging the latest tech news. There are a lot of great books out there that I haven’t read yet. It’s time to get back into it.
  • practice my writing – I’ve kinda avoided writing on this website and when I do, it’s not always up to par. If I’m ever going to become a better writer, I must practice. Thus, it’s time I wrote more regularly.

I’m very ambitious, aren’t I? July is the new January. This is my July resolution!

onward home

Leaving Houston is always bittersweet.

I wasn’t supposed to be here this long but last week I decided to extend my stay. It seems like the last few times I’ve been to Houston, I had to make hard choices about what to finish and what to leave behind.

Each visit I’ve made in the past years has been both of pleasure and business. I work and I play, but I never seem to have enough time to do all that I want. This time was different.

I had an abundance of time to accomplish what I needed to accomplish at work. I had plenty of time to not only see most of my Houston area friends but to see several out of town friends as well as a couple I haven’t seen in a few years.

But my stay has been bittersweet as I’ve previously explained. However, it’s good for me to get back out there and on with my life.

I will come home to over a month’s worth of mail, at least five packages, a few bank statements, some medical bills and most of all my own room. It shall be nice.

Several people have mentioned how difficult it is to be away from home; how wonderful it is to get back to their stuff. I, however, feel like I could roam the world for months on end and be just fine. I’ll make the best of my circumstances.

See you later, Texas. You will be missed.

vancouver and victoria photos on flickr

Having just spent 4 hours editing and organizing, please go to my photos page and see all the new photos of vancouver and victoria. More to come when I have this much time but enjoy the first two days of my trip to the great northwest!

seven days and counting…

I’ve made so many memories involving the number seven, however relative they might be to other people. Jana knew I enjoyed the number seven. It feels like yesterday that we were dating and I brought up our imaginary future.

“Ya know, if we’re older and still single when the year 2007 roles around, I think we should get married on July 7.”

7-7-7

I think the idea to both of us was kinda far-fetched since we were so young and 2007 was so far away. Now it’s 2007 and it’s days away from July. The 7th day will probably come and go with little to no fanfare. I certainly won’t be getting married either. It kinda scares me how quickly this day has come.

I remember years ago when I was 10 thinking how far away 1995 was. In fact, I vividly remember the actual thought, but my memory has faded for the visual. I just remember the feeling I had. Then 1995 came and I could recall how I felt just 6 years previous. When 2000 struck, the same memory popped back up. It was weird knowing that I had that memory 11 years previous. And now, it’s been 18 years.

I’ve been away from LA for three weeks now, having visited Seattle, Canada and now Houston. And I’m a week away from flying back. This has been a return “home” like no other. And my return to LA shall be bittersweet.

The positives:

  • Eating more Tex-Mex (although I haven’t nearly had enough)
  • Spending time with so many friends (and so many more to go)
  • Helping the clinic’s network reach a normal state (for the first time in a few years
  • Seeing some friends get married (even though I had to actually ush one)
  • Taking late night bike rides (I haven’t ridden in a long time; it was very nice)
  • Seeing a lot of familiar places and recalling so many memories (reminiscing can be enjoyable)
  • Life without television (I think I’m going to try really hard to force myself to read and exercise when I get back)

The negatives:

  • Having to actually go to work almost full-time (with some overtime too)
  • Realizing how single I am (however nice it can be)
  • Being avoided by a couple of friends (it kinda hurts)
  • Not spending enough time with some friends and family (I need the money, sadly; or they’re just too busy)
  • Not much time to just veg and relax (there have been some long days)
  • Not enough time spent in each place (I could have spent so much more time in Seattle and another week in Houston might have been nice)

I have no regrets, but I do have unfulfilled goals and desires. Time is all I have before new memories will be made. I can’t wait until my next adventures.

television

You would think being away from television for so long would cause withdrawals. It’s probably easier to deal with since summertime produces no new episodes of anything I watch. But two weeks and counting without television feels great. Maybe that’s because I veg in front of my computer so easily, what with this social networking revolution and all.

I’m not sure I could function well in today’s world as a kid. TVs practically raise kids now. There’s all types of programs for all types of ages and situations. I know of parents who sit their kids down in front of the boob tube all day. No real parenting happens from the time those kids glue their eyes until the next distraction. Pop in the latest childrens DVD or a movie and your parenting is practically over for a couple of hours.

I did spend my share of time in front of phosphor-coated screens. Whether it was Saturday morning cartoons for 6 hours to countless hours of Nintendo and Super Nintendo games (ah, good ‘ole Final Fantasy 2 and MarioKart), I enjoyed every second of my favorite mindless, passive childhood activity.

Watching TV is now mindless to me. It’s background noise. It’s second nature. When the evening reruns of the Simpsons start, my TV stays on non-stop until I sleep. There’s always something meaningless to fill the quiet void. It’s my comfort zone. It probably contributes to often short attention span. I even find it difficult to read a book for so long.

Despite, I am highly enjoying my television freedom. I know what happens the second I get home, but maybe I will pick up new habits here to replace old ones (such as reading more stories or articles that AREN’T online).

crossroads

It’s already hit me and I’ve been here only a week. I’m THAT guy. You know, the guy who never can seem to get into a relationship? Yeah, THAT guy. I’m the perpetually single guy. But I can’t really blame myself, can I? I’m not sure I feel bad about who I am today. I am who I am and I am where I am. That’s all there is to it.

“You just haven’t met the right girl,” they all tell me.
“There’s nothing wrong with being a bachelor for a while,” they innocently say.

With every friend I’ve spent time, he or she has a significant other. These significant others have been around for a while, too. But for some reason, I feel like this time is different for me. I’ve felt like THAT guy. I show up to see my friends, most knowing there’s no one accompanying me. And I love seeing friends and enjoying the company, but I can’t help but feel like I’m so far behind everyone else.

Coming back to Houston, no matter where I am, is always the same as going back home. Or to a place which kinda feels like home. It’s my comfort zone. It’s where I’ve spent a big majority of my life. And being back has always let me feel at ease, like there isn’t much to worry about. I come back to a lot of familiarity.

Since leaving my full-time job in April, I’ve seen a lot of familiar faces all over the country. I’ve gotten to know or reacquainted with many friends. And I’ve had a lot of time to myself on the plane, in my domiciles, or in some cars, reflecting on all the things I’ve done in my life. I think it’s hitting me inside right now.

The next few months of my life are looking pretty critical to my future in some ways. I have goals for living in Los Angeles that I hope to live out, such as getting back into music and entertainment related business, as well as seeking out production opportunities. I might try working as a movie extra too. Or maybe even audition for some roles. I didn’t move to LA for what I have been doing, I moved there for what I desire to do.

I just haven’t met her yet. I don’t know when I will. But I need to make the most of my time alone. I need to prove myself right.

i was reminded

It’s been a month since I left for New York City and already it seems like a lifetime ago. The past month has pretty much reminded me of so many different things about my life.

I was reminded that I love Manhattan. I cherish my trips to the city, enjoying something completely new with every visit that I make. I was only just there last October but I don’t feel I could ever get enough of that city, at least from a visiting perspective. I love the rush and bustle of such a beautiful city, of the concrete island where the whole world turns to. I miss the abundance and convenience of everything being within reach. And I now miss knowing that I might be facing something really special.

I was reminded that I’m onto my next adventure before I finish blinking my eyes. Soon after arriving back home from Manhattan, I quickly had to turn around for the next flight to Dallas for a graduation and family reunion. It’s always nice to see those who I grew up knowing and loving. And bringing everyone together in one place again is comfortable and peaceful, even if we do all have our own drama and can get sick of each other. But, once again, I said my goodbyes and tried to make my peace with finding out I wouldn’t get that chance.

I was reminded that sleeping in until almost noon is so relaxing and easy. The reminder that I’m fighting on my own is scary, and realizing that my life is in my own hands is even scarier. I didn’t make enough effort these past two weeks. Instead, I relaxed and did what I wanted. I spent my minutes consuming all that I found. I’m gonna have to do better than this when I get back.

I was reminded that fundamental differences affect who you are. I learned about, which was kind of a renewal, how satisfying it is to make unique experiences. To go where most people don’t, to enjoy what little has been discovered, and be with people who want to see life differently. I’m different than most of my friends because I don’t keep a steady job or participate in the mundane routines or follow in the same footsteps. I continue to gather new insights in the niche of life; those things which don’t mean much to most but can bring immense joy to few. I was reminded to look beyond the ordinary and strive for the extraordinary. But I didn’t see some of this until others opened my eyes again. It’s satisfying to embrace the differences in others, but the things I can’t just change overnight will be a barrier to continuing down those familiar paths.

I was reminded what it’s like to have feelings. I made connections and grew into relationships with old and new. I realize more what I do want and what I do not want. But I fall victim to not getting what I really desire. I gave it all I could but found out that it wasn’t going to happen. It’s not fair to not give yourself the benefit of the doubt, to not give your 100% opportunity before calling in your chips, but sometimes you’re not allowed to finish what your started and must move on from what you wish you might have. I’m so thankful I was at least given the opportunity because it made me very happy. Just a few more weeks of, I hope, a little more bliss…

I’ve been through a lot in just a month but I feel like in some ways, I made the best of mostly everything but wasn’t given the opportunity to find out about the rest. I took so many photos of Manhattan and am proud of how they turned out, even if they are still very amateur. But I wish I had the chance to explore the new avenues I was walking down. Instead, my path was diverted to a dead end that I see in the distance. Eventually, it’s back onto some other trails.

new flavor

I enjoyed my last color scheme, but this one speaks to me a lot more. Choosing colors for my site never was my forte, but I think with a few additional colors this scheme is going to last for a while.

i hate fire season

Fire season doesn’t typically start here in California until mid-summer because temperatures are a lot hotter and conditions are much drier. But, within the last few weeks, there have been numerous fires all over the place here. As I currently type, there’s a small fire just 5 miles from my house. It smells horrible here, like there’s a fire just outside my window. If this is what my summer is going to be like while I’m here, I’m gonna try to take a lot of trips to get away. This is gross.